Your Complete Beginners Guide to Wall-Mounted Sex Toys (NSFW)

Are you supposed to pretend the wall is a person? I had no idea. When I asked my queer friends, many of them were similarly confused and had heard of wall-mounted dildos, but didn’t have any experience with them.

To get some actual hard facts about having sex with a wall (or the floor or a window), Cosmopolitan reached out to several sex experts who were happy to spill.

Here’s everything you need to know about how to have super hot, hands-free sex with a surface

1. You don’t have to literally mount it on a wall. Jess Wilde, 28, who works as a sexpert at Lovehoney, says that while many people like sticking their dildos on a wall, you can also mount them on smooth chairs, the floor, or the bottom of the bathtub. Wilde recommends that newbies start by mounting the dildo on the floor because it can be similar to straddling a person. Wilde explains: “Using a dildo that’s stuck to the floor while you masturbate is the best way to understand what feels good for you and discover exactly which combination of hip rotation and angle massages your sweetest spots. “

2. Use caution if you’re going to try mounting your dildo in the shower. Carol Queen, PhD, co-author of The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone, 58, says that while suction cups stick really well to glass, using them in the shower can be dangerous. Queen explains: “If you want to use suction cups in the shower, you’d better be very sure your shower door won’t come out of its track.” Plus, there’s the issue of things getting extra slippery in the shower, so just be careful.

3. Not all suction cups will stick instantly. Queen recommends adding just enough moisture to the suction cup to make a seal. And if that doesn’t work, she recommends picking a smoother wall (aka without bumps), or trying a horizontal surface like a bench “so gravity doesn’t fight you.”

4. Don’t be afraid to back up into it. Backing up on a wall dildo can create an awesome doggy-style-esque experience, but what the hell are you supposed to hold onto for leverage? Good question. Queen recommends finding a sturdy piece of furniture you can use to stabilize yourself when you need to. She adds: “Backing up will prove easier than trying to go face-to-face with the wall. Or, again, use a horizontal surface instead.”

When I first heard about wall-mounted sex toys (aka dildos with a suction cup base that can stick to a wall), I was immediately confused

5. If your dildo doesn’t have a suction cup on it, you can still make it a wall-mounted dildo. Sex shop PatsySue sells dildos that are suction cup-compatible, so you can buy a suction cup with a little tip on the end that’s inserted to one of the special suction-cup-able dildos and voila! Wall sex.

6. You have free hands now. Use them. Wilde says suction cup dildos give you the opportunity to not have to thrust a dildo into your vagina, which leaves you with two free hands. Feel free to use those hands to touch your clitoris, your nipples, or anywhere else on your body for the ultimate in solo multi-tasking.

7. Don’t panic if your toy won’t unstick. It’s understandable to panic about having an unstickable dildo stuck to the floor or your window or whatever, but you also don’t want to rip it off and damage the surface. Wilde explains: “The trick is to gently lift one edge of the suction base to allow air in. Doing this will release your toy immediately. If you don’t have nails, something like a credit card is great for slipping under the rubbery edge.”